i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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