My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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