The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
