it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
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