I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My vagina is very pro this idea
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
