Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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