I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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