Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
