How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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