Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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