go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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