I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize