I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
