That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
