Where are you?
In a non slutty way
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
