I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Randomize
