i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize