alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
