When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize