I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
