just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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