areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
