I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I pour the whiskey from now on
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
