we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
