Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
