exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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