Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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