Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Come share oat with me in your robe
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
