my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
