well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
