Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
