As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
