She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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