One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
it's great music for shaving your balls
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
