We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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