Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I lost the right to judge tonight
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
