Is it because I queefed?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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