it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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