Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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