How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
