im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
