Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
