A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
