he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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