The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
