Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
