It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
