I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
