Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
