im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
