So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
