get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
