I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
