$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
