sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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