Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
