Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Fuck me I smell like cheese
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
