I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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