covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
