It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
