Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
