Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
