you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
