neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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