maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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